This song was featured in the Grey's Anatomy season finale (Season 5) It is such a beautiful song.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The best season finale ever!!!
Grey's Anatomy's season finale was an emotional roller coaster!!! The music and everything else was breathtaking!!! Check it out! So beautiful!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Relationships: Side effects may include...
Today is the day I have been with Adrian 2 months. I have never felt this way about someone before, and I find myself falling more and more for the guy everyday. When I met Adrian I never expected what was to come. Moving from "talking" to boyfriends was a big step for me. After Zach I had swore off any kind of relationship that involved love, attention or required me to put any effort into it what so ever. I did not talk to anyone with the intent of it becoming serious. I will admit I did a few times slip and find myself liking someone and enjoying their company and sex, but never could get past the damage that Zach had left behind. I was so scared of falling for someone and scared of them cheating on me or hurting me.
With Adrian so many things fell into place. With him I could (and still can) be myself and not have to put up any kind of front, and I never felt the need to question if this was something I was ready for. He made my fear of relationships melt away without me even knowing. I could smile for the first time in a long time and it not be forced.
Now coming into our 2 (almost 2 1/2) months of dating I find myself in fear again. Not fear of being in a relationship which I know I want and I love so much, but fear of over thinking. Adrian and I both have pasts that we are not proud of and have done things that we learned from and have moved on from. But with his and my past being similar I am scared to death of being cheated on again. I know Adrian would NEVER do that but the fear rears it ugly head about once a week or so. I have to constantly remind myself that I have met that right guy for me and I have made a promise to wait for him, and he is happy with that. Just because past men have done my wrong, doesn't mean that Adrian will follow in their footsteps. Adrian is an amazing man with an outstanding personality and I know he is faithful to me. I just don't know why sometimes I over think when it is not needed to do so. I understand distance plays a factor in this since he is not very close to me city wise at all. In all honesty him living four hours away has never been an issue. In fact I feel it is a good thing. As corny and cheesy as it can be distance does make the heart grow fonder.
I know that I am falling for the kid. I am falling for him harder then I think I have for anyone before, and in a way that is scary. I try to take his approach at it and be as laid back and natural about it as possible. At the same time I want to know that I am not wasting his time or mine. I want him to be happy and have the feeling reciprocated. I want more out of him in this relationship, but I know that you can not always have what you want when you want it lol. A want is a want, but what I need right now is what is right for us to work. What Adrian is willing to do for me makes me happy enough. I want more, but what he does for me is what I need. We both have made it a priority ( I think, at least to me I have) to be honest with each other and be there for one another. We both have chosen to be committed in this relationship. What I wish he could understand at times is that relationships are not always 100%. There are gonna be times where you can't stand the other person but that is by no means a reason to break up. It is something you learn from and it makes you stronger. Relationships are sacrifices and meeting at a common ground at times to make things work. Relationships can be easy, but not all the time. They can be stressful, but I think ours is stressful at times because of this distance and I refuse to lose such an amazing man from my life because of a few hours. I know I do love him and in time I know he will know what it feels like. I promised him I would wait, because I know this is a guy I wanna be with for a long time. Not "gay" time long time, but in general a long time.
The bottom line is a need to stop over thinking and freaking out. I may be scared of being cheated on, but that doesn't mean it will happen. If Adrian loves and cares for me then I should be able to sit back and know everything is okay, and that he and I are lip smackingly happy.
:)
With Adrian so many things fell into place. With him I could (and still can) be myself and not have to put up any kind of front, and I never felt the need to question if this was something I was ready for. He made my fear of relationships melt away without me even knowing. I could smile for the first time in a long time and it not be forced.
Now coming into our 2 (almost 2 1/2) months of dating I find myself in fear again. Not fear of being in a relationship which I know I want and I love so much, but fear of over thinking. Adrian and I both have pasts that we are not proud of and have done things that we learned from and have moved on from. But with his and my past being similar I am scared to death of being cheated on again. I know Adrian would NEVER do that but the fear rears it ugly head about once a week or so. I have to constantly remind myself that I have met that right guy for me and I have made a promise to wait for him, and he is happy with that. Just because past men have done my wrong, doesn't mean that Adrian will follow in their footsteps. Adrian is an amazing man with an outstanding personality and I know he is faithful to me. I just don't know why sometimes I over think when it is not needed to do so. I understand distance plays a factor in this since he is not very close to me city wise at all. In all honesty him living four hours away has never been an issue. In fact I feel it is a good thing. As corny and cheesy as it can be distance does make the heart grow fonder.
I know that I am falling for the kid. I am falling for him harder then I think I have for anyone before, and in a way that is scary. I try to take his approach at it and be as laid back and natural about it as possible. At the same time I want to know that I am not wasting his time or mine. I want him to be happy and have the feeling reciprocated. I want more out of him in this relationship, but I know that you can not always have what you want when you want it lol. A want is a want, but what I need right now is what is right for us to work. What Adrian is willing to do for me makes me happy enough. I want more, but what he does for me is what I need. We both have made it a priority ( I think, at least to me I have) to be honest with each other and be there for one another. We both have chosen to be committed in this relationship. What I wish he could understand at times is that relationships are not always 100%. There are gonna be times where you can't stand the other person but that is by no means a reason to break up. It is something you learn from and it makes you stronger. Relationships are sacrifices and meeting at a common ground at times to make things work. Relationships can be easy, but not all the time. They can be stressful, but I think ours is stressful at times because of this distance and I refuse to lose such an amazing man from my life because of a few hours. I know I do love him and in time I know he will know what it feels like. I promised him I would wait, because I know this is a guy I wanna be with for a long time. Not "gay" time long time, but in general a long time.
The bottom line is a need to stop over thinking and freaking out. I may be scared of being cheated on, but that doesn't mean it will happen. If Adrian loves and cares for me then I should be able to sit back and know everything is okay, and that he and I are lip smackingly happy.
:)
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